It is hard to deny that I am plus-sized. I'm at best a size 28 right now.
I am also a blogger. So ergo, ipso facto and other ponsy phrases I could use, I am a plus-sized blogger.
However, I don't completely identify with the plus-sized moniker.
I'm not embarrassed about my size, however I'm also not comfortable being this size either.
I do watch what I eat. Otherwise I would be, and have been, even bigger than I am now. I regularly fluctuate between a size 22 and a 32/24. I have managed to hold steady around the 26/28 mark for the last year.
I'm not impressed with myself. I'm also not angry.
I have been a larger than the average person now for many, many, many years. I'm not saying I can't lose weight, because I can and I have. I don't blame anyone except myself and my fondness of the sofa and chocolate and cheese.
I'm not happy at this size. Being so large affects my mood on an almost daily basis. I yearn to do many things that I don't feel comfortable even trying.
I feel for my kids, and the kids that I am an assistant leader to at Scouts, Brownies and Rangers. I want to be a role model to these kids. Part of my job is to show them the best way forward in their lives and help them make the most of the opportunities presented to them.
I'm not the average fat girl though. I go hiking, however my balance isn't great at times and on my last night hike I fell. At my size it created a lot of pain for the rest of the week. Pain I medicated with sugar, which led to a gain on the scales of 6lbs in just 1 week. Not a good moment.
So now I'm back on the trail of trying to not obsess over the little things, in all avenues of my life. Along with the longer hours I am currently putting in the office I need to look after myself that bit better. Making sure that I don't get sick or run down.
You can join me on my eternal journey to find long-lasting balance here.
This is my dieting rollercoaster after all.