Friday, 26 June 2015

Perfectly Imperfect

There is only one problem with working in an industry where you are expected to be perfect. In fact you are not expected to be, it is demanded of you. Being perfect at what you do is your actual job. So when you dip, or make an error it is flagged at just how not perfect and human you are.

Day-to-day life feels like it should be perfect.

I am in no way perfect, and I'm not even sure that I want to be. I find a lot of the fun in life comes from the moments that weren't planned. Escalate from happy accidents. 

In the same way that we are almost expected to be cookie cutter shapes of each other. Yet in the baking we are all subtly different. In some cases the differences aren't that subtle. 

On a whole I am very happy in who I am. I have looked worse, yet this year I have decided to make a concerted effort with my health. I'm not getting any younger, and over the course of November and December I let myself get horribly run down. To the point where I was developing sores on my face and body that were just not healing at a normal speed. 

I also know I can only put off dealing with my previous blood pressure issues for so long. 

Yet part of me worries about what the rest of the Plus-Size blogger community will think about this. Am I letting down the 'sisterhood'. 

Well no. 

If my journey takes me away from being plus-sized I'll be very surprised. Also, my size isn't the prime focus of my blog. It is part of it, but not all of it. 

I can be vain, and I can't say that being able to fit in clothes from more shops isn't abhorrent to me.  Say being a size 22 as opposed to the size 30/32 I am now will literally open more avenues for me. More clothes to wear, from more outlets. Not to mention high heeled shoes. The pain that occurs from forcing your body weight though your off kilter feet and ankles is pretty much ridiculous and makes movement almost impossible. 

I am currently feeling very down. Circumstances at home and at work have changed a lot. I have found myself peering into the bottom of a biscuit barrel wondering how I ate them all. Finding time to fit everything I want to do in has been hard. 

I have still not found the solution to wanting it all, getting it all or even managing to balance what I have already got effectively. 

What I do know is, as long as I am trying my best. That is good enough. I can do no more, but I sure as hell could do a whole lot less, but I don't. I should. But I don't. 

All of us are Perfectly Imperfect. Perfect doesn't exist. It's an ideal held up there, on a pedestal just out of reach from our mortal hands. 

Saturday, 13 June 2015

So What Have I Been Up To?

In a non-descriptive phrase... not a lot.

Free time is not on my side.

Life has been adventure light.
I am hoping that I can rectify that soon as summer is fast approaching and the nights are starting to get longer.
One thing I have done is left Slimming World. For all that it is a wonderful plan, the consultants are amazing and truly do a sterling job, it wasn't the right time for me to be there. Stress, work and family ties were being pulled until there was no give left.
I am still posting my meals on instagram (follow me I'm @whatbeeate). I'm trying to keep healthy but not go too far over the top.
I have gone back into the kitchen and started baking again. I've not done too much of that since I closed my cupcake business. I'm enjoying the creativity again. I'm not doing anything elaborate. But just making something that you can see in under an hour from beginning to end has been a delight.
Some of my meal inspirations are coming from a youtuber and blogger called Lots of Sara Lynn's meals are suitable for making ahead and keeping for a full week. I'm really tempted by the salad in a jar recipes as I would be able to make them on a sunday and they'll keep until Friday. Perfect for work during the Summer. I'm already a bit of a fan of her tortellini salad, and I've already made it twice. I will be posting my take over on Princess Kitchen soon.

A new bakery, cafe and deli has opened up in the village where I work. So far I have not had a single bad thing from there. Considering the size of their portions, either I will have to stop going or learn portion control. And fast.  

I've managed to injure my left ankle and foot quiet severely, and I am currently waiting to start physiotherapy. I'm on the list for dental surgery too. 
I can honestly say I'm looking forward to not being in pain or feeling unwell.