Friday, 26 September 2014

My 10 Point Manifesto For When I Take Over The World

1.  This is a Glittery Dicatorship, not a democracy. What I say goes or there will be consequences. 
It will be a happy place, and no place is happier than when I am pleased. 

2.  Soundtracks to your life and entrance music. Just think, music to stride to as you walk down the street. Fanfares and coronets as you walk into an event. You can only ever hear your own, all those sounds all at the same time would just be crazy. Obviously this will all worked inside your own head, operated primarily by witchcraft - or a chip in your brain.

3.  The continent will be a patio/garden facility. It's always nice to have a sunny area to take a cuppa tea or glass of wine and some snacks. None of this passport nonsense. I may keep the theme parks, but that is yet to be decided. 

4.  Glitter will sparkle, but not leave an unclean-able trail behind it. There is nothing worse than trying to wipe up glitter that has been spilt. It mainly looks like that there has been a fairy massacre. It wipes from one side to another never actually gets cleaned up. 

5.  Catsuits. I have a vision. A vision of a world living as one in a mass of catsuits or jumpsuits, preferably Lycra, with a cape and a pair of platform wedges. However, I'm open to change and recently have decided that a second suit may be possible. This one would be of the furry variety and come complete with tail and paw mittens. If you anger me you may be punished and where it in red. Everyone else gets black, with added sparkles if you please me.

6. Guaranteed time off for fun. This is mandatory. How many times have you got excited about the possibility of doing something just to find out that you can' t get the time off from work. I plan to have a multi-skilled work force in place - like a giant global temp agency/office pool that will step in and cover you as you get to embrace the nature of fun. 

7. All music used on TV programmes will be findable, instantly. There is nothing worse than watching a show and hearing an amazing track. Then using track ID, for it to tell you that it doesn't exist. Or that there are 27 different versions by 28 different people. Argh. Stress you just don't need. 

8.  Foods eaten as an accompaniment to coffee will be calorie free. What can I say, it just has to happen. No food when eaten with the ultimate liquid should ever come with a calorific price. Therefore the cake you eat, or the cookie you snaffle with your coffee will no longer resonate with guilt. 

9. Kitchen tap will run hot, cold and chilled rose wine. Nothing else to say on this one. 

10. Fiery volcanoes of doom. This is where those who upset me will reside. Pushing back the lava as it spews forth. Talk about a thankless task.  

1 comment:

  1. Love the tap of rose idea, the cat suits sound scary for us bigger bodied people though eeek! I can't imagine the men haha at least you would know what you were getting before u dated them if you get my drift hahaha!
    Hasnt Richard Branson just declared free holidays for Virgin workers maybe we need to jump ship x