Perfectly Imperfect

There is only one problem with working in an industry where you are expected to be perfect. In fact you are not expected to be, it is demanded of you. Being perfect at what you do is your actual job. So when you dip, or make an error it is flagged at just how not perfect and human you are.

Day-to-day life feels like it should be perfect.

I am in no way perfect, and I'm not even sure that I want to be. I find a lot of the fun in life comes from the moments that weren't planned. Escalate from happy accidents. 

In the same way that we are almost expected to be cookie cutter shapes of each other. Yet in the baking we are all subtly different. In some cases the differences aren't that subtle. 

On a whole I am very happy in who I am. I have looked worse, yet this year I have decided to make a concerted effort with my health. I'm not getting any younger, and over the course of November and December I let myself get horribly run down. To the point where I was developing sores on my face and body that were just not healing at a normal speed. 

I also know I can only put off dealing with my previous blood pressure issues for so long. 

Yet part of me worries about what the rest of the Plus-Size blogger community will think about this. Am I letting down the 'sisterhood'. 

Well no. 

If my journey takes me away from being plus-sized I'll be very surprised. Also, my size isn't the prime focus of my blog. It is part of it, but not all of it. 

I can be vain, and I can't say that being able to fit in clothes from more shops isn't abhorrent to me.  Say being a size 22 as opposed to the size 30/32 I am now will literally open more avenues for me. More clothes to wear, from more outlets. Not to mention high heeled shoes. The pain that occurs from forcing your body weight though your off kilter feet and ankles is pretty much ridiculous and makes movement almost impossible. 

I am currently feeling very down. Circumstances at home and at work have changed a lot. I have found myself peering into the bottom of a biscuit barrel wondering how I ate them all. Finding time to fit everything I want to do in has been hard. 

I have still not found the solution to wanting it all, getting it all or even managing to balance what I have already got effectively. 

What I do know is, as long as I am trying my best. That is good enough. I can do no more, but I sure as hell could do a whole lot less, but I don't. I should. But I don't. 

All of us are Perfectly Imperfect. Perfect doesn't exist. It's an ideal held up there, on a pedestal just out of reach from our mortal hands. 

April Favourites

How fast are these months going now?

I have a mixed bag of favourites for April. 

Barely There Gel Finish Nailwear by Avon. This is the perfect nude. It gives a nice sheer cover with just one coat, but add 2 and it is a fabulous opaque colour. Two looks for the price of one. Currently on offer in Avon for £2.50 - which is half of it's RRP. 

Insulated cup and straw - I now have 3 of these. I love them. One at work, 2 at home. They make drinking water so much easier, I really don't like the stuff that much. Also it keeps it cool for longer and cuts down trips to the drinks cooler at work. You can currently buy 2 large ones for £5 at Wilkinsons.

Going hand in hand with the cup and straw is this miniature cordial syrup by Robertsons. I love the orange and peach flavour. 

I got these sunglasses at the start of the month, when the weather was so much brighter and a lot less wet that it has been this week. I got them from ebay, I think they were about £2. I didn't want to spend too much as I wasn't sure if they would suit me. What do you think?

I'm still pretty much obsessed by cheesy puffs for some reason, pretty much eating them daily. 

For lunch at work I've been taking soup, I love these cups by Sistema. I have a couple of their lunch boxes too. I have these in Red and Blue (currently £3 each at Wilkinsons). They can go in the freezer, but normally I split a fresh soup between the two and take them to work over 2 days. 

I eat them with my other obsession, the pumpkin and sunflower seed rolls from the bakery section at Co-op. 46p for 1 or £1 for 4. 

On a night I've been unloading my daily thoughts in a journal over on www.dietingrollercoaster.blogspot.com and watching youtube videos. This month I've been loving: 

Sprinkle of Glitter - she's a mummy blogger, she's so pretty and gorgeous and funny. I love her hair and make up, it's fair to say she is my current girl crush. I want her as my bestest buddy. 

Saccone Jolys - An Irish family. Anna has just given birth to her 2nd child. I love to watch their antics on an evening I go to bed, and now they're moving to the UK!!!

Fun for Louis - Louis has been out of the UK for 6 months most of this month he has been in LA hanging with other youtubers including Cyr and Piddleass. I'm going to miss them in his life. 

and finally for this month

Betty Pamper - I've really been enjoying her look books this month. 

Spring Make-Up Look

This is a look I'm loving at the moment, a hint of colour around the eyes, and a pop on the lips.

Now the sun is shining more often, and the sky is blue it's the perfect time to freshen up make-up wise.

On the base I used my usual Avon cream to powder foundation with concealer for the red bits and darker circles.

I used MUA eye shadows on the lid. I started with a sweep of lilac over the lid and accented with a teal/green colour in the crease - both are from the Immaculate Collection, which I then blended out. Instead of eyeliner, I used Penny from the Ever After palette.

The mascara is brown/black Aero Volume by Avon. The blush is a mosaic one by MUA.

On the lips I used Showy Flamboyant by Revlon.

10 Things To Do...

In your lunch break. 

Since returning to work I've been looking for things that I can do during my lunch break to make sure I actually leave my desk and take that break. I only get 30min but if your luckier and get that full hour just think what you could get up to!

1. Take a stroll. The weather is getting better and it sure as heck feels good to break free from your desk, even for just 15 mins. 

2. Nip to the shops. If you are lucky enoiugh tot be in the centre of a bigger town or near a city centre bo to a chemist, department store or even a supermarket and pick up a new lip gloss, lipstick, eyeshadow or even mascara. It doesn't need to cost the earth, but it will brighten up your day. 

3. Me time. Book yourself a treatment. Getting your eyebrows tamed takes no time at all. Or if you have a slightly longer have an appointment a tthe hairdressers for a treatment and blow dry. 

4. Getting handsy. If you can get the space, give yourself a mini manicure. Pop a bright nail varnish into your bag and liven up your fingertips at lunch. 

5. Every day is a school day. Try and learn something new, a skill or  a craft. I'm a crochet fan, so I sometimes hook at lunch, your could knit, start to learn a new language, take up puzzles. 

6. Go on holiday. Well not a full one. Plan a virtual break, where would you go, what would you do, what would you like to do, where would you stay/eat... I think you get my drift. Dream big. Pinterest is a great site to do this on. 

7. Embrace your smartphone. Most of us have a smartphone these days, pop some earbuds in your bag and you can catch up on some vlogs, a tutorial or even a tag video using YouTube.  

8. Take a picnic. Pack a nice lunch and meet a friend for a picnic lunch in a local park. 

9. Eat out. Instead of your normal packed lunch, get out and visit a local eaterie and have a nice lunch. Your sandwich is always going to be there tomorrow. 

10. Novel idea. Read a book, obviously not a whole one but you could squeeze in a chapter or two depending on the length of them. Have you a book that you've always wanted to read, but you never seem to have the time at home anymore? Lunch breaks are the perfect in for a blossoming reading habit. 

My Life Monday: Targets for April

So this month I am aiming to get on top of a few things.

This starts with a complete bedroom declutter.

The wardrobe has far too many things in it. Including blankets, sheets, random other bedding, enough pillowcases to cover a hotel full of pillows, odd non-matching duvet sets, suitcases, a tv from one of the kid's bedrooms and that's before you even get to the mounds of clothes.

Lots of clothes that either fit and I don't wear or clothes that don't fit and theere are rows up rows of books that need reading or bosing, donating, selling or binning. I think you might be starting to get my drift.

It feels like I'm drowning under all the stuff in there. I daren't even look under the bed! There could be a whole undiscovered civilisation living under there.

What I need to be is ruthless, someting I find tricky yet also weirdly exhilerating.

So on my To Do list this month.

Reduce surface clutter.
Organise bedding - getting rid of some and replacing the ones that have seen better days with new bedding.
Being ruthless at the bookcase and in the wardrobe.
if it doesn't fit, it must go
if I haven't worn it, it must go
Make up - compared to some I don't have much, compared to most I probably have too much and right now it all sits in a Peppa Pig shopping tote.
Tackle the drawers, junk and otherwise. They don't shut - or open.

My reign as Queen Bee Hoarder must end this month - at least in the bedroom!

Do you set any monthly goals?

My Life Monday: Word Building

Today I've been spending a bit of quality time with my eldest boy JJ.

He's currently 8 going on 30, with a touch of toddler strop thrown in for good measure.

It would appear he has entered the word building phase, taking different sounds and putting them together to use in place of the expletives I must admit I try hard not to use.

Today we have had boosh, skidoosh and skidooshi. None of them have any particular meaning to him but they are littered within conversation.

Now I can just about recollect the heady days of being an 8 year old. One of my words was squaz. It mean a little bit, gizza squaz of that paint. A bit more than a squaz was a squazidick. I still love the feel of that word, although I can't really use it in day-to-day life with many people.

Then again, when I was 8 I was obsessed with being a witch trapped in a human dimension and I could only pass to the wiccan side via a tree or through a certain pair of goal posts at the local school.

Things seem different for boys, at least it does for my two. Games with no defined story or that aren't based around some sort of video game just don't seem to happen.

It's a shame, I'm trying hard to instil some imagination into these two but they're not going for it yet. However, they're constantly making up new gangs. Prank Gang, Secret Agent Spy Group and Weird gang, so you never know it might just be me sucking the imagination out of them.

My Life Monday: I'm the New Girl... Again

Today I started my new role in the office.

Oh jeepers. It's almost like starting all over again. New products, with new styles, a new team and a new desk. Scrub that. Two desks.

In some ways it's like returning home. Many moons ago, when I first started working at the company I was in a different with three of my new team.

I wonder how long it will take for the novelty of working full time to wear off?

I treated it a bit like going back to school. I got a new notepad, pencil case (and pens), and a new mug. All colour co-ordinated too. I must take a photo of the set up, it looks rather swish.

It started as an early shift, in the office by 8am. I'm not a morning person. Never was, never will be. But I managed to get up and out almost on time. Even after dropping my phone in a large bowl of washing up and drowning it. Even now it's currently hanging out in a bowl of rice in the airing cupboard hoping to draw all the bad bits out. I know I don't like my current phone, but it at least needs to last me until summer when I can get a new one.

My Life Monday: Things They Are a-changing

For the last eight years I have been working part time at my office.

Next week I am going to return full time. New department, new role, new responsibilities.

I also embrace the whirlwind that is shift work, five days a week. I will still be publishing on this blog daily, I will still need to keep on top of the housework, the boys and their homework, cubs and just who will take the boys to school and bring them home (depending on the week).

This means I have, for the last few weeks, been trying to get the house in order so I can maintain, rather than fight an uphill battle in 15-30 minutes a day.

A few weeks ago you will have seen I worked on the de-cluttering of my bedroom. That is still remarkably tidy. However, little bits that needed to be finished still need doing and there are a couple of other areas that are starting to fall behind again.

The bathroom got attention last week, the joy of living surrounded by boys.

The kitchen is this week's task.

I'm also working on getting back into the groove with planning shopping around a pre-decided meal plan.

I also need to start to use weekends for doing things with the kids... and sleeping!

I'm going to be a busy BeeBee.

My Life Monday: Procrastination is a Very Long Word, Spell It.

I don't know about you, but I am a fully paid up, card-carrying member of the procrastination club. 

If I don't do something straight away, it tends not to get done. I have a tendency to over think, over plan and just make things over complicated. 

Some things in life do need to be thought about in advance. Due to the ramifications that are imparted post idea, other things not too much. 

I can lay in bed for 2 hours thinking about getting up after the alarm goes off. No snooze button required. I just lay there and think about it. 

I have been known to plan how to clean a particular room for that long, if I'd just got on with it the room would have been finished before my To Do list was. 

Another thing is if I'm engrossed in a book, everything just gets pushed aside. Writing these posts, I often do them one night a week, if a book is involved... yeah let us not dwell on that one eh?

Sleep, I think about that... a lot. I'm frequently lacking in that. It's like finding a mythical creature in the supermarket. Just doesn't happen when I particularly want it to. Usually because I'm busy watching vlogs in bed. I just love YouTube for those. 

If I'm lacking in inspiration for something I can easily get lost within @pinterest. For hours at a time! That site is a procrastinators dream. You can lose yourself and at the same time feel really productive as you are finding ideas and inspiration for future endeavours, which lets be fair you will probably also procrastinate over and then never actually do.

This year I am trying to break the procrastination habit... it's really tough, and I'm trying hard. Maybe it will be easier tomorrow. 

Valentines DIY: Jar of Love

To make your Jar of Love you will need:

Pretty paper, the origami/scrapbooking type.
Glue dots or glue stick.
I love you, either written or printed out in the style of a fortune cookie.











Instructions

1. Cut circles. My circles have a diameter of 4.5 inches, but you could go smaller – down as small as 3 inches – with no problem. Find a saucer, bowl, Tupperware, or some other round object with a diameter of approximately 3 inches and trace it over and over and over. 

2. Fold one of the circles in half, but don’t crease it. Hold it shut at the edge where the two sides meet. Once you've made a few cookies, you’ll be able to put the fortune in at this step. 

3. Using your other hand, grab the two “corners” – the places where you would have creased it if you were creasing it. Using your thumb and ring finger, gently pinch those two corners together, while pushing the centre backwards with your pointer finger. It sounds much more difficult than it is. When you do this, one of the pieces will crease underneath the other piece (or, if you are holding it, they will form a crease with both edges in the same direction – both ways look nice, so it doesn't matter). Crease the centre a little on the outside. 

4. Add a glue dot/dab of glue between the two ends of the cookie to hold them together. This is what will keep the cookie in the cookie shape. 

That’s it. Your paper fortune cookies are done. Now repeat three or four dozen times and put them all in a nice jar or bowl.

What I've Been Watching: Call the Midwife

This series is a gem in the BBC's crown, recent years Sunday night dramas have been lacking something.

As a child I was brought up with drama series including All Creatures, Great and Small and Heartbeat. In the absence of my closest family I find this offering both comforting and, at times, heartbreaking.

It's not as soft around the edges as some period pieces. Saying that I haven't seen either Downton Abbey or Mr Selfridge, there is only so much TV a girl can watch before her eyes begin to melt. I like the fact they don't shy away from difficult storylines and have included key moments in medical history into their world. Series 3 has noted the introduction of breathing through the pain during labour - which is still used today - and the use of antibiotics to treat patients. Seen as a cure all, it was where the over-prescription of the medication first started and resistance began to build.

Set post-war in East End London, the young midwifes and nuns are at the beck and call of the run down residents in slum like conditions. Times are changing and so is the series.

What used to be a nice comforting watch is now broaching tougher and more emotional story lines, following nurse Jenny Lee played by Jessica Raine, now a sister.

We've seen Chummy (Miranda Hart) develop from being an awkward midwife to being a confident mother and wife, and then returning to Nonnatus House as a part-time midwife.

I can't wait to see what is in store for Trixie and Cynthia this year.

Beauty Favourites: Hair Edition

You may have noticed, or you might not, that I have red hair. I don't mean a little bit red, I mean pillar box/fire engine red hair. I love it. However, it is notoriously hard to keep bright.

I don't do a lot to my hair apart from the colouring. I have exceedingly fine hair, I do have a lot of it too mind. So there is a mass of waves on my bonce, that need a firm hand a strong talking to on more occasions that I care to admit.

I only wash my hair once a week. This is in part down to the sheer amount of hair that I have, it takes a long time for the oils to make their way to the surface, also for the sake of my colour too.

These are the items I couldn't shower without.

Shampoo and Conditioner.

So far this is my absolute favourite. It keeps my red hair red, and it cost effective too. At just £1.29 at bottle this Aldi product is well worth the money.

My well used shower cap.

I put on my hair conditioner and then plonk my shower cap on so it can get to work without attacked my the shower head. It soups up the power of the conditioner and makes sure I have a reletively tangle free mane when I come to drying it.

More often than not I leave it to dry naturally. From time to time I will use my wet 2 straight Remmington straighteners. I've had mine for years, probably about 15 if I was to hazard a guess.
They are a wide ceramic plate, which helps when you have as much, and hair as long as mine.

Romantic Eyes: Valentine's Day Make Up

This simple look uses products by Avon.

I was shuffling through @pintrest one evening and stumbled across a pink smoky eye  Immediately I thought of the Cupids Kiss duo I had upstairs.

Using the new eyeshadow brush with smudger, I applied pink to the whole lid working it up to just above the crease. I then took the silvery grey and with the smudger created a 'v' shape from the corner of my eye and the crease. I then took a fluffy brush and blended the two together.

I back-lined my top lash with Blackest Black Glimmersticks eye liner and added 2 coats of extreme length mascara and finished the top lashes with a coat of Infitize. My brows were filled in with blonde brow definer.

My blusher was Avon's Pink Glow

I finished the look off with a coat of Melondrama.

My Life Monday: Bucket List

Last week I started my plan to get back to fitness, then by Friday I was stricken down by some lurgy that totally floored me and had me asleep in bed by 2pm.

Today, I thought I would take a look at Bucket Lists. If you don't like to call it that just take solace in the fact that it is a list of goals you set yourself to do at some point in your life.

I have quite a random one, I won't list them all here but I will give you a flavour. If you want any other ideas take a wander over to bucketlist.net

I want to visit:
Caribbean
America
Take a camper van across the UK
take more city European breaks

Activity:
Run an 'extreme' event
Run more 5 and 10k races
Return to Youtube
Write a cookery book
Go to the opera
Spend more time with my extended family
Go to more to comedy and music gigs
See the Northern Lights
Go indoor sky diving

Frivolous:
Own a designer handbag
Wear & walk in designer shoes

What would you choose to put on your list? I have other goals linked to finances and scouting too.

This post was inspired by Kate Harrison's 5:2 Your Life. Get your copy here currently £1.99 for the Kindle.

My Life Monday: What's Holding Me Back?

and most of the time I am my own worst enemy.

While I have been thinking about how to change things for the better. I sat down and tried to work out reasons why I don't ever seem to reach my goals.

To do this a did a quick drawing of the things that stand in my way.

There are times when I feel that my family hold me back. I have been putting them first for so long, I seem to have forgotten what being just me was like. Making decisions because I want to do something, rather than what can I do that pleases everybody else.

What I think other people think or are thinking about me stops me from living life to the full in the way that I want to live it. Last year I was severely burnt by people and how what they assumed I was doing and thinking about things.

Sleep, I simply just don't get enough. I'm out of routine, I can be up to 2am maybe 3am most mornings then don't rouse until 8am. Far too late for a simple school run, a stressed rushed one yes, but not a nice simple one.

Finally the other thing that seems to create a sticking point is money. The lack of it, the use of it, the power of it.

So my next challenge is how to tackle these obstacles...